the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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