God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
