Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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