my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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