Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This toilet bowl is my home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
