so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
