someone owes me an orgasm
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
