69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
