This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
