I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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