Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
