oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
