people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
