I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
