Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
