Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
