I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
