I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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