So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
