tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
