If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize