Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
