i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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