she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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