false alarm. still invincible.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We are all done wearing pants today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
