Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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