So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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