Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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