To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
