ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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