Sry I called you an 8
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
