a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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