You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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