You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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