Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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