Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
