She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
