Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
