i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
