He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
