Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
