Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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