I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
