Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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