I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
