I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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