Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
