So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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