Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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