i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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