i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
