bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My penis needs a shock collar
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are the jesus of drinking
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
do nipples grow back?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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