you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
