if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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