i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
