You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
