We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
