My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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