You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
