I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
