I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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