So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
