brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
