The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
