After last night, I could never be a politician.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
