Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
