Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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