We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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