You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
