After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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