I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
