at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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