I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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